I have written earlier in this space how age has turned me from an inveterate people pleaser to someone who simply can’t be bothered. No longer do I try to lubricate conversations at parties when there is a lull in proceedings. No longer do I say yes when I really want to say no. And no longer do I accept invitations out of a sense of duty rather than the prospect of enjoyment.
Event Context
But with every passing year, the stuff that I simply can’t engage with increases in leaps and bounds. Here is just a short summary of some things that I have dropped from my to-do list. And, honestly, it has made my life much easier and better.
Dinner parties that have more than 50 people in attendance are no longer for me. I find it excruciating to circulate among folks, with most of whom I have just a passing acquaintance, making strained small talk, while looking around wildly for some friend to rescue me. I would much rather attend an evening with five or six couples, all of whom are good friends, and have some meaningful conversations that go beyond, “And where did you go for the summer?”
Match Outlook
Ditto, dinner and lunch buffets. If I am invited to an event at which the food is going to be laid out on buffet tables, I either decline politely or – if I have no choice but to attend – eat my dinner before heading out. The very thought of queueing up at trestle tables to fill my plate and then balance it precariously on my lap while I try to eat, is enough to make starvation seem preferable.
Group holidays, involving either friends or family, are another non-negotiable. It is my idea of hell to go on vacation with a bunch of other people and have to constantly juggle my plans so that they fit in with the group. The only person I am happy to holiday with is my husband – and I am no longer shy about making that clear.
Doing all the running in relationships is now a thing of the past. There was a time when I used to make an effort to keep in touch with friends and family, calling, texting, and setting up meets. I still do that but only with those who make an active effort to do that same. Those who don’t bother to reciprocate and expect me to do all the heavy lifting have now been given the old heave-ho. And to be honest, I don’t miss them in the slightest.
The motto, ‘I’ve started so I’ll finish’ was something I lived by when it came to books. No matter how boring or badly written a book turned out to be, I felt some sort of internal obligation to read it to the (bitter) end. No longer. I have decided that life is too short to waste on execrable writing. So, if a book hasn’t grabbed me by the jugular by chapter three, I am done and dusted – and free to pick a better read.
From HT Brunch, July 25, 2026
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