To help out in such a situation, Florida-based therapist Jeffrey Meltzer took to Instagram on September 10 and shared five ways that can help one get out of such relationships. Getting into a relationship is not always easy; however, getting out of it often is the bigger challenge, especially when the person you are with is toxic. They are presented as follows.
Two things can be true at the same time. As Jeffrey stated, “You may have loved and cared for this person. You may have even shared beautiful memories with them. And none of that has to disappear for you to acknowledge that the relationship is still unhealthy. That is often what makes detaching so difficult, he observed, adding, “We remember the best parts of someone and start using those memories to excuse patterns that continue hurting us. But keep in mind that you can appreciate what was good without using it as a reason to keep accepting what is hurting you. A person may never get the apology they wanted, highlighted Jeffrey.
“They may never fully understand how they affected you, and they may never become the person you kept hoping that they would be,” he stated.
Jeffrey pointed out that sometimes we become so used to someone’s behaviour that we stop recognising how unhealthy it actually is While this one sounds obvious. “Do they pressure you to do things that go against your values? Do they repeatedly cross boundaries that you have clearly communicated? Do they struggle to take accountability and constantly make other people responsible for the problems they create? Limiting interactions does not automatically mean having no contact. As per the therapist, sometimes that is not realistic or even necessary. However, once a person recognises that someone has an unhealthy effect on them, they can become more intentional about how much time they spend with them. You can simply stop saying yes to unnecessary interactions and create more space between yourself and the relationship,” noted Jeffrey. In the words of Jeffrey, “Creating distance from someone who is used to having access to you can feel incredibly uncomfortable. They may become frustrated when you say no. They may push against your boundaries. They may try to make you feel guilty for changing the dynamic of the relationship. However, if one wants to detach, they have to be more willing to experience some of that discomfort without immediately trying to make it go away. So, instead of interpreting discomfort as a sign that they are doing something wrong, it is important that they remind themselves that sometimes feeling uncomfortable is a sign that they are no longer abandoning themselves just to keep somebody else comfortable.
“So, pay attention to the patterns,” he stated. When a person begins to see the relationship more clearly, they can start deciding how much access the other person should have to their life, according to the therapist. “That being said, you do not have to become cold or give them the silent treatment.
“Sometimes detaching means accepting that you can deeply care about someone and still recognise that having less of them in your life may be what you need to protect your peace. Note to readers: This article is for informational purposes only and not a substitute for professional medical advice. This report is based on user-generated content from social media. HT.com has not independently verified the claims and does not endorse them. Jeffrey Meltzer is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor based in Florida. He graduated with a Master’s in Mental Health Counselling from the University of South Florida and has been providing therapy services for over seven years.
“But you do not need their understanding to choose yourself,” he added.
