In my book, Being Indian (Penguin, 2000), I quote a startlingly interesting matrimonial ad that appeared in one of the country’s leading newspapers. It read:
Event Context
And then there is colour. The preference for a “fair” bride remains widespread, even though India is an overwhelmingly brown-skinned society, with every gradation of complexion. Yet “fair” remains a prized attribute in matrimonial discourse, connoting an extraordinary form of colour prejudice.
Match Outlook
A new factor is that increasingly, many families of the prospective groom seek a working woman. This marks a considerable transformation from the older expectation that a wife should primarily remain confined to the house. Economic realities have intervened. Education has expanded female employment, aspirations have changed, and the cost of maintaining an urban middle-class lifestyle has risen substantially. The irony often is that the woman is now expected to be educated, professionally successful and financially productive, even while the expectation that she will simultaneously be an efficient homemaker remains unchanged.
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Into this complicated terrain has entered technology. Last week, I was invited as the chief guest to Lotus Valley School in Noida. The senior teacher who came to escort me told me during the car ride that her daughter is very happily married, but she has Shaadi.com to thank for it. Other similar flourishing websites have demonstrated that the old intermediary—the aunt, neighbour, family friend, community elder or professional matchmaker—has not disappeared but has acquired a digital competitor. Algorithms can now perform, at extraordinary speed, what families once spent months trying to accomplish: identify compatibility according to age, education, profession, location, community, income and a host of other preferences.
Perhaps this is why the matrimonial pages are more interesting than they appear. They tell us that India is not moving in a straight line from tradition to modernity. It is carrying the past into the present, modifying it, negotiating with it, sometimes resisting it and sometimes surrendering to it.
Pavan K Varma is an author, diplomat, and former member of Parliament (Rajya Sabha). The views expressed are personal
